January Assessment

I've decided to check in on how 2013 is going, mostly because it's the last day of January and I've finally made my resolution. 2013 is going to be all about getting my life under control. Living in chaos and filth is getting a little old, so I'm establishing! good! habits!

In order to work on my self motivation, I've joined the gym (and I've already gone three times since I joined last week! woohoo!). From what I've read, a big problem you run into with being self employed is sleeping. With no one demanding you wake up at a certain time, sleeping in becomes a siren call of eternal procrastination.

The gym is going to be a key piece of my resistance strategy. See, I'll need to get up early enough to complete my gym routine. I've always found that working out in the morning makes me more awake for the rest of the day. After going to the gym I'll be so filled with energy I'll be able to make myself work instead of procrastinate. (If you are in doubt that this actually works, let me just say that when I got back from the gym last night I cleaned the entire apartment.)

Cleaning is actually the second pincer of this metaphorically confused strategy. Getting my life in order means getting my apartment in order, so I'm taking up the fly lady baby steps. Tomorrow I will be shining my sink. Mostly I'm motivating myself to do this part with vague promises about how I'll need these skills when I get a house. You see, owning my own house is a dearly held dream of mine. Unfortunately, there seems to be an unthoughtful consensus that I will fail at keeping a house due to my messy, dissolute ways. Therefore I'm going to habit myself into building the skill set and motivation I'll need in order to have the BEST HOUSE EVER.

On a writing note, I've succeeded at my goal to write a short story this month (the prequel to Junk Squad totally counts, okay?) and finished the Broken Hearts edits on schedule. I failed utterly at writing any poetry and/or getting much further on Junk Squad. Oh well. There's always February.

Thereto and therefore, I am declaring January to be a slightly echoey success.

An Interlude

Minor Character is standing in an art museum, clearly wearing a uniform and name tag that reads, "Minor Character." He's a plain man who blends into the background. Love Interest walks in, looking at the paintings. She's a beautiful woman who stands out, but her face has a vacant expression. She wears a visitor's pass that reads, "Love Interest."

LOVE INTEREST

Do you have any Picasso?

MINOR CHARACTER

No.

LOVE INTEREST

I thought you would.

MINOR CHARACTER

What?

LOVE INTEREST

Have some Picasso. He’s my favorite, I think. He’s James’ favorite.

MINOR CHARACTER

Whose?

LOVE INTEREST

James. I love him, you see, so his favorite must be mine.

MINOR CHARACTER

I don’t.

LOVE INTEREST

What?

MINOR CHARACTER

See.

LOVE INTEREST

Oh.

        (Pause.)

Picasso is his favorite. He mentioned that on our first date. We went to his favorite Italian place by the ocean. He talked the entire time and I fell in love with him.

MINOR CHARACTER

Why?

LOVE INTEREST

I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I can’t exist without him. Loving him is who I am.

MINOR CHARACTER

You exist.

LOVE INTEREST

You’re very kind, but I’m afraid I don’t believe you. Loving him is my defining characteristic. I haven’t got much else. 

MINOR CHARACTER

Do you like the ocean?

LOVE INTEREST

Not particularly. It's cold. But James says it's poetically endless, so I guess there's that.

MINOR CHARACTER

Do you like Picasso?

LOVE INTEREST

I already told you. James likes it.

MINOR CHARACTER

Which painting do you like?

LOVE INTEREST

What?

MINOR CHARACTER

Which one?

LOVE INTEREST

I don’t know. I don’t think I like art.

MINOR CHARACTER

Then which one do you hate the least?

LOVE INTEREST

I don’t hate them. I just don’t like them. 

MINOR CHARACTER

You must feel something.

LOVE INTEREST

I suppose I almost feel something for the modern art. It’s so empty.

MINOR CHARACTER

But it isn’t empty. It’s full of thinking. 

LOVE INTEREST

Is it? I shouldn’t think so.

MINOR CHARACTER

You just have to look closer.

LOVE INTEREST

James is always saying things like that. He says I have to see the potential. But I don’t want to be potential. I just want to be.

MINOR CHARACTER

Then be. 

LOVE INTEREST

It’s that simple?

MINOR CHARACTER

No. But you already are.

LOVE INTEREST

I don’t think I understand. I’m not sure I understand anything.

MINOR CHARACTER

Why did you fall in love with him?

LOVE INTEREST

I don’t know. I was supposed to.

MINOR CHARACTER

Maybe it’s time to stop falling.

LOVE INTEREST

I’m not sure I can. Will you help me?

MINOR CHARACTER

No. I’d leave you just as empty.

LOVE INTEREST

I think I’d rather be empty than alone.

MINOR CHARACTER

There’s pictures of Picassos in the gift shop. Buy one.

(He leaves. Love Interest is facing forward and doesn’t see.)

LOVE INTEREST

Thank you. I’m sorry, but I have to be shallow. If I get too deep I’ll drown. It’s so easy to be empty. I could almost disappear. Do you think James would notice if I disappeared?

(Pause.)

LOVE INTEREST

Hello?

(She looks around and realizes she’s alone.)

Oh. I didn’t mean to be. I didn’t mean to be.

CURTAIN

how to eat five pies while juggling a monkey

I did things! Like update my website and write some prequel stuff and umm, no, nothing I actually intended to do today. Sigh.

I’m finding it really tough to transition into working on Junk Squad when Broken Hearts is still at the forefront of my mind. I keep thinking about the cover and release date and worrying about how everyone in the world is going to hate it and declare me the worst writer of all time. *deep breath*

Maybe I should learn from this and not try to work on a different project while getting ready to release something else? Nah. I just need a clever trick to refocus my attention. And to make me stop fiddling with changing stupid last minute things in Broken Hearts.

Maybe I’ll ban myself from opening the Broken Hearts file until the copyeditor hopefully gets back to me and I can fix up my mistakes. Maybe I’ll invest in electro shock therapy. 

Changing playlists might help, slightly. But what I really need to do is reprogram my brain until everything reminds me of parts of Junk Squad instead of Broken Hearts, and the best way to do that, I suppose, is to write more Junk Squad.

Why does everything always come down to just doing more writing? Geez, you’d think I’m a writer or something.

Anyway, in a couple weeks now it’ll be thoroughly and truly done with Broken Hearts. I will toss my hands up and be rid of the whole mess.

So I suppose the trick to eating five pies while juggling a monkey is to know that it’s only a temporary situation, so you just need to do as much as you can while you get through. Or at least tell yourself it’s a temporary situation, even though you suspect there’s a herd of monkeys waiting to be juggled when this one is done.