Book Launch Day, otherwise known as the tale of crazy

So I put my book up on Amazon! Yay! And then my sanity melted into a puddle and ran down the drain. Oh, how I used to ('used to' being, like, yesterday) laugh at those crazy authors who flipped out because of a bad review and obsessed over silly things like 'ratings' and 'stats.' I was so going to be the SANEST AUTHOR EVER and not even care. Whatevs, can't phase me.

I'm not even expecting sales! I said with a laugh. This is just the first thing I'm publishing, no one outside my immediate family will even know it exists!

And then, you know, I checked my account today, all casual-like, and saw I had five sales and one return. Who on earth had returned my book? And who were these three other people who were not my dad who had bought it? No matter, I was going to stay sane. Yup, I had this covered. So someone immediately returned my book. Whatevs. They probably bought it by mistake or something.

I clicked over to goodreads, intending on making some updates since I hadn't added the latest books I'd read. Then Goodreads was all, yo, some peeps added your book. And I was all, What?! Excitement! And then I clicked over? And my book had one rating. And it was one star. And being my only rating, that makes my book a one star book.

I may have flipped out a little at this point and done the thing I swore I would never do. I rated my own book and bothered my family to do the same. (Except they wouldn't because you have to sign up to rate things on goodreads or something. Evil plans foiled!)

In summary, I will never laugh at a hysterical author again. I will now wince in sympathy and totally understand why they e-stalked that person who left them a bad review to prove that person's review doesn't count. Not that I would ever do such a thing. Nope. I'm totes sane. Whatevs, I don't even care if my book sells.

If you need me, I'll be the one whimpering in the corner stuffing chocolate in my face.

(Oh, yeah, and if you want to buy my book? Like, whatevs, I don't care. But you can buy it here. Just in case, you know, you want to.)